I can't count my heartbeat

Yes! It's true. I can't count my heartbeat anymore because it turned out to be so fast untill i can't recalled it myself(macam sebelum ni aku boleh kira la kan). As everyone know, i'm a high school leaver who currently waiting for my SPM result that coming nearly less than a month from now. Ok. Now, i'm starting to shiver all over the body and i can't think wisely. I'm afraid just to think of that moment, that day, that minute, that second and the most important thing is the reality. I've the right to feel all these kind of feeling, ay? I know, it's too late for me to regret what had happened. There's no good either to regret the past but that is me. Always regret after things that had done. I'm not that genius and smart as people think i am. I'm not like my younger sister and brother, who always scored good results in examinations. I categorized myself as an average student who not really genius and not that dumb either. Suam-suam kuku je la.

Sometimes, i can be too ambitious. It's good to be an ambitious person but not TOO ambitious. Nowadays, people seems to love asking me about what course that i would like or love to take. Seriously, among all the questions in this universe, this question frightened me the most. It's not that i don't own myself an ambition and i have never think of my future. That it's not true. I do have my own ambition that i really want to achieve and i do think of my future. It keep on bothering me every single day. Yes! EVERY SINGLE DAY, people. I'm afraid to just get my mind to touch the future matter but in the end, it comes by itself. I've my own reasons why i don't want to get all fussy in letting everybody knows where my interest is and what course i would love to major. So, please people, try to understand me. It's hard to take and handle.

Ok. What is on my mind right now? I better stop right here. I don't want to make myself confuse with this. These are just some of my thought. I'm too afraid of every possibilty that might come out. Now, tawakal sahaja la.