December 27, 2010

I wish they're really 7 faces alike like those people mentioned


Current obsession/entertainment in order to help decrease my depression.

p/s: I need to start find things that can decrease my depression. :)

When i'm sick like this, i always think IT'S ABOUT TIME

Don't you guys just hate being cuddle in the blanket while shivering and keep on sneezing for the whole time ? And oh, include the coughing every single minutes and vomitted for about 2 times a day parts too. It's way troublesome as you can ever imagine. I've been through all these for this past 5 days and i'm tired of being sick. Yes, people ! My body temperature have been detected to reach 40 degree celcius and how can i'm not telling people that i'm really sick ? Aaahh, my body can't handle the sick any longer. So, tell me, do i really look like i'm okay now ?

I've been asked to swallow so many type of pills to regain my energy and health back but the pills doesn't seems to help much. To my surprise, i've been fever for 5 days straight. Well done, Di !*sigh. The doctor told nothing about lack of vitamins or the weather but depression was the main cause of my sickness. There you go ! Depression ey ? I should've known that earlier since there're lots of thing playing in my mind. The only and simple words that gave a big impact on me by the doctor was "Try not to think much and be happy with what you do. Then, you'll be just nice and real you." So now, how to be happy when i'm not even happy with what i'm doing? The only thing that i can think for this moment to make me happy is when i'm away from Uniten and be with my favourite people. I really have to figure this out. Okay, i don't want to think now.

I am really under depression ey ? It's just OHHHH EMMMMMM GEEEEEEEE ! I mean like for god sake, i'm only 18 years-old and i'm under depression ?! Am i cool or what ?*sigh I'm not surprised either since i've been thinking a lot lately since the first day of Trimester two began.This is because i've never like Trimester two. AT ALL ! I'm having hard time most of the time. I'm even thinking to stay out of campus on the next upcoming trimester which is Trimester three, my last trimester for foundation programme. I'm going to discuss this with Papa and Mummy. I don't know why but i think papa will give me the permission. I'm really looking forward for that untill i can't wait for Trimester two to end.

I'm tired of living in depression at the age of 18 years-old. That's too young for having a depression. A 18 years old girl should have more fun and enjoy the moment to the fullest. Depression no more and be strong, please. I really want that. Ya Allah, give me strength and guide me. Amin.

December 22, 2010

May happiness be all around you, love

I've been surprised with the news given by friends that someone is getting engaged soon. It became more dramatic painful when i knew the person who's getting engaged is actually someone who i used to love. Even now, the love is still blooming. We're like too close enough. We got through those process where we fight like a married couple, we talk like bestfriends and we protect each other like brother and sister. We actually care too much about each other. Whenever i'm hurt, i don't talk and he knew too well that i'm hurt inside out. A guy who know when and where he have to act maturedly, childish and within his age, he is.

Yesterday the day where i've been stabbed by the sharp words. The situation sounded like these :

Friends: Eh, you know what happened ?
Me: No. Is there something happened that i should know ?
Friends: Serious, you tak tau apa yang terjadi ?
Me: I tak tau la. Apa dia ? Cakap je la. Your tone nak scary je bunyi.
Friends: But you have to promise to us that you will try your hardest to hold in there, ok ?
Me: Korang jangan buat i takut, boleh tak ? Serious, i rasa scary gila. Goosebump dah ni. Bagitau je la.
Friends: Fateen Dayana, can u atleast promise us first? Nanti kitaorang takde la rasa bersalah sangat.
Me: Kenapa korang ni annoying sangat hari ni ? Okay, i promise whatever happen, i'll try my hardest to hold in there. So now, shoot !
Friends: Errr, you tau N nak bertunang ?
Me: (long pause) Apa korang merepek ni ? Suruh i berjanji bagai and you come to this ? This ain't funny, guys. Dah la, i malas nak entertain you guys ni.
Friends: Eh jap jap, i cakap betul la. That's what i've heard la. N tak cakap anything kat you ?
Me: Nope. So, tak betul la kan. (My heart starts to cry)
Friends: We don't know either. You kena confirm kan dengan dia la. Please be strong, Na. You dah promise us kan, whatever happen you will try your hardest to hold in there.
Me: BTW, with who ? Who's the so called lucky fiancee to be ?
Friends: That new psycho girl tu. That's what kitaorang dengar la.
Me: Oh, okay. If it's true, say congratulations to him.

That's how it goes when i heard all those ear sickening conversations. Tell me, how should i react with this ? It's hard for me to handle or even to swallow the words. From that moment of time, i choose to live in denial by saying to myself, "it's not true !" untill i get a phone call from him and even a call from his sister. So, there it is. The confirmation where it acted as a conclusion to all my questions played all around my mind. Then, it comes to an end. I do live in reality and reality hurts most of the time. I won't spill everything that happened between us in here. It may harm myself especially my uncontrollable emotion.

To N ;

Dear love, I DO LOVE YOU with all my heart and full of devotion. At first i may not attracted to you but as a girl, it's hard for me to resist you. Atlast, here i am loving you so much with broken hearted. I will never regret anything that happened between us before because i thought it was a mistake but actually, once upon a time, u made me smile happily. I know missing you will be a big mistake but i can't avoid it. I'm sure i will miss the moment where i'm hurt by friends and u came by just to entertain me and sang me a song through the phone untill i falled asleep, your face expression when you know i'm sicked, your matured look acted childishly, your gut to teach me how to play guitar, how you endured my annoying attitude,your patience handling my uncontrollable emotion while other can't do it, how you made me cried with smiling on my lips, how proud you am to say that you love me every single day, how hard you tried to fullfill my wishes and dream even untill now, you bring me to the my favourite restaurant witout knowing that it's actually my favourites, i miss to argue with you about simple things, i miss your warm hands holding my cold hand when i'm nervous, i miss stargazing with you and talk stupid stuff with no boundaries, and the list goes on and on. The most important thing is, i miss being the real me when i'm with you and you can accept me for who i am without any single objection. i want you to remember and hold to the words that i once said it to you where it sounded like this " Love is about how you value and respect someone without expecting things from them in return. It's about unselfishly devoted and committed with that special person till the last beat of your heart". Please do hold with that. I know you're a good guy and i wish you all the happiness in your life with the loved ones. Treat your fiancee-to-be-right

P/S: Just A Dream by Nelly made me cried over and over again. It reminds me of this.

December 5, 2010

So CALLED Bestfriend

Hello so called bestfriend,

Yes, this post is especially written for you. Yes, YOU ! How sweet am i, ey ? Willingly, spare some of my precious time just for you eventhough i don't see what's the benefit of me doing this. By the way, i've been asked to read your blog by some of the friends where they claimed that it comes sincerely from you to me. Oh my, you're being so sweet. I'm so touched but seriously, why i don't feel the same way as what those people said ? I mean the sincerity part. I don't feel any of the sincerity from your writing. I thought you wrote that to gain an apology but it doesn't sounds like one. Instead, it's more to blame others and back up session. Your words are full of sarcasm, young lady. SARCASM and it's not good, you know especially when the sarcasm came from a girl. A girl should act, talk and use word politely. I'm sorry if i say this may hurt you but you need to change. Atleast change the way you talk to others. You may not notice it but some of the people around you get hurt with the way you make a conversation with them. Specifically, your word. Maybe you dah biasa with harsh words but you're not gonna use it to me. NEVER AGAIN ! Ayat nak pedas-pedas pulak and i'm not the right person for you to throw those words.

A piece of advice to you, next time please walk the talk. I mean you always cakap tak serupa bikin which is i dislike the most besides of your attitude yang suka bercakap kasar where by agak susah diterima oleh pendengaran i ni. Oh yeah ! One more thing, if you have problem with me, tolong jangan drag others even you tried to back up your friend. I totally hate that. Bila dah babitkan orang ketiga which is kawan baik i jugak, then nak guna ayat menyakitkan hati kawan i tu jugak. Kesian lah kat dia. Before you write or say something, do you ever consider other people's feelings or you just consider yours ? I bet yours is only that matter. I rasa you sendiri pon ada mentioned about jangan babitkan orang ketiga and bla bla bla kan. So, please walk the talk ok miss. Then, I don't like when u kept on assumed about me and you didn't even ask straight away to me. Don't you think it's kinda stupid action to make? Because i think it is. Kerja asyik nak assume perkara negatif je. Don't you have any other work to do ?

Actually, i can write more than this even more than you wrote in your blog but i decided not to humilate you just like you did to me in your blog. It's enough with the humilation that you made. You memalukan i dan dalam masa yang sama you memalukan diri you sendiri. You don't know how to act professionally. Semua pon main hentam je. I'm sorry but i think cara you agak kampung. I'm so sorry but that's the truth. Trust me, the things are getting worst and i'm sure you know it too. So, i will back off. Don't worry.

Farewell, used to be bestfriend. Live a happy life. Thank you.